I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
