I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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