So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
