you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
