Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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