these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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