Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
