Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
