Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
