Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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