As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
