I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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