He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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