cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
