I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
