Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
