I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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