I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
