Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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