you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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