I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
