so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
