your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize