i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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