and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
