Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
