I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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