What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
