I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
