In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
