This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
