My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
