Four minutes until I can fart!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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