she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
