I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
