Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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