Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
