just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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