something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
