My room smells like vodka and shame
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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