insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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