He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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