the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
