$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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