next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
