So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
