Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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