Already got asked if we're dating
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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