My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
