At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
