suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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