I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
